Under de utallige timers planløse internetsøgninger er jeg stødt på en ganske henrivende blog. Det er ‘Dr Theophilus Pudding’s World of Knowledge of the World’, et skatkammer af en encyklopædi, der giver Wikipedia og British Encyclopedia groft baghjul. Forfatteren er som antydet Dr Theopilus Pudding, der beskedent beskriver sig selv som “An eminent scientist of natural lore and home economics. He holds professorships at several world-renowned universities, and is frequently consulted by prophets and political leaders for his no-nonsense advice”.
At han er så eftertragtet forstår man fuldt ud efter at have kastet ud i doktorens mildest talt opfindsomme beskrivelser. Om George Michael kan man f.eks. læse:
“George Michaels was born Giorgy Mikailastrakan in Armenia in 1850. His parents had been killed in a horrific but amusing factory accident before he was born, and he spent the early years of his life as an urchin, wandering about the sea floor feeding on molluscs and protecting himself with poisonous spines, both of which habits he still hasn’t shaken today.”
Og om Freddie Mercury forlyder det:
Pop starlet Freddie Mercury beguiled audiences around the world with his incredible voice and amazing hoover-pushing video antics. With his rock group Queen, he reached number one on π occasions during his lifetime, as well as topping the charts again with the re-release of the highly political hit song Bohemian Rap after his death in 1991. Despite endless and inconclusive speculation during his life, it was not until after his death that people realised Freddie Mercury was not in fact from the planet Mercury. He was, however, formed entirely of liquid metal, rather like Robert ‘T1000′ Patrick, except for his moustache, which was a real moustache. This proud facial adornment was given to Freddie by an Indian chief whom the popster had rescued from a shark attack in Tooting Bec Lido in 1970.
Selvom det efter min mening er pænt sejt at ligger nummer 1 på histlisten π gange, så kan det dog slet ikke konkurrere med Theophilus Pudding’s umanerligt rammende beskrivelse af Bibelen:
The Bible is a collection of scriptures that form the basis of the Christian religion. It includes stories, psalms, pictures and pop-up sections. It comes in two parts, the left testament and the right testament. The former was so called because it was left to Christians by their forefathers. It tells the history of the ancient tribes of the near East, and the prophets and kings who led them. It is also the source of most of our knowledge about the dinosaurs.
The right testament includes the stories of Jesus and his Apostles: Paul, Simon, Garfunkel, Andi Peters, David Jason, Jimmy Kranky, and Peter formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince. Today you will often find bibles in hotel rooms. They are left there by God, who is omniscient and omnipresent but sometimes a bit forgetful.
Aye-aye! Encyklopædien rummer mange andre liflige indslag, og bør tiltale enhver lystløgner og/eller fan af Mandrilaftalen. Siden er derfor forlængst føjet til min favoritliste.
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